Hey, Does Your 'Body Count' Define You?

 

Let's be honest, folks. The concept of a "body count" is the talk of many saucy discussions.

However this concept, though juicy is actually founded on judgment, shame, and a host of harmful stereotypes. It's a simplistic mind’s approach to a vast and complex issue, reducing a person's total worth to a number, while attempting to increase that persons shame and boost the accusers own sense or appearance of worth, especially if that person is a woman.

A post I read on Facebook stirred me enough to put my opinion out on its slanted perspective. Ladies, while it's true that past relationships do shape our present, in both negative AND positive ways, it's equally true that growth, healing, and transformation are possible in the areas that need them once persons are open to them. Countless persons we know who has learnt to define themselves by purpose and impact and not by their past ‘ body count’;  whom had the pleasure to positively impacted their world. Judging someone solely based on this one criteria is not only unfair but also counterproductive.

I once knew a young lady who boasted of chastity and who was assumably born in the churches mouth, living every day of her life ‘ to the book’ yet she was one of the most malicious, proud, condemning gossip I have ever met. Her virginity did not automatically make her a good or kind person. I’d even say after she got married she very apparently became a much nicer person to be around.

Breaking Free from the Past

Many people, both men and women, have experienced heartbreak, betrayal, and trauma in their past relationships, some due to naivity, others due to circumstance and yet others due to mankind’s depravity. These experiences can leave lasting emotional scars that has major potential in affecting future relationships. Demons or baggage we call them. However, if a person ,male or female, chooses to take the lessons learnt from all aspects of their walk of life and gain wisdom from them with time, God’s help and support of true friends, self-awareness could become their super power.

Ladies ( and gents ), it is possible to heal and move forward. It is possible to be whole and happy, with or without a relationship.

It's important to recognize that everyone's journey is unique. Some people may need more time to process past experiences than others. Approach relationships with empathy, understanding, and patience.

The Power of Empathy and Understanding

So society, instead of focusing on the past, shift our attention to the present and future. The aim is to build more meaningful connections, in relationships and friendships using the wisdom gained from the past. Using empathy shows an adult's mind that is open to growth and balance.

This judgemental pill approach is poison. Let’s do this instead:

 * Open Communication: Honest and open communication is key to any successful relationship. Be truthful of any scars from experiences you have with the person you are serious about having a relationship with when the time is right. If some issues are too deep, maybe some healing is needed before getting serious about that relationship.

 * Active Listening: Pay attention to your partner's words and feelings, without judgment. Let the atmosphere around you allow them to be free to release, heal and grow. It doesn’t mean that you have all the answers but by listening you help their process of healing.

 * Emotional Intelligence: Develop your emotional intelligence to better understand yourself and others. People who are quick to judge tend to be the least emotionally intelligent.

 * Self-Awareness: Take time for self-reflection and personal growth. This is the best thing we can do for ourselves ladies, apart from Jesus Himself, this is it. Know yourself. Know how to hedge yourself in. Know your weaknesses and strengths and work arduously on your biggest investment – you!

 * Mutual Respect: Treat your partner with respect, kindness, and compassion. Do unto others…..you know the rest

If spiritual ties are found, going through these with some spiritual guidance will break or beginning the journey of breaking and healing from these ties.

Beyond Stereotypes

So we are moving beyond harmful stereotypes moving towards spiritual freedom and embracing emotional intelligence and a more nuanced perspective for both men and women. Instead of judging people based on their past, the focus is on building strong, supportive relationships now and in the future.

Remember, everyone deserves love and understanding, regardless of their past. By choosing empathy over judgment, we can create a more compassionate and healed world and a more authentic life.

Yours in this thing called ‘ lifeing’.

Lady Ray